The Will(will?) of God

I have been thinking a lot about this as I write the Heart of the King, and it translates
well into my life. Do I choose one duty station or the other? What job should I
apply for? Do I stay in the Army or get out? Do we have four kids, or five? How
do I know what path I am supposed to take? Do I make a choice or wait for God
to make one for me?

I think it interesting that the Bible doesn’t answer this in any certain terms.
There are clear examples of God forcing His plan on people, like in Exodus 7:13
when he hardens Pharaohs heart, or in Romans 9 where we are the clay in the
hands of the potter. And there are countless examples of men and women choosing
for themselves their destiny, like Esther or Samson. Sometimes we choose, and
sometimes God makes choices for us.

In the Heart of the King, I began thinking about this as David becomes king of
Judah and Israel. God uses Samuel to anoint David years before when he is still
a child. For all intent and purpose, David is king. But David chooses to wait
until Saul is dead. Given multiple chances to kill Saul, he waits for God to
end Saul’s life. How does David know that God didn’t deliver Saul into his
hands specifically for David to end his life? Why did he choose to wait instead
of accepting God’s decision at the moment of his anointing? It isn’t clear in
scripture, but what we do see is David deciding what to do, not God forcing his
hand.

What does that mean for me? In the past, when faced with a decision or serious
choice, I pray and wait, wait and pray, and eventually end up going with my
gut. A clear epiphany is absent. In fact, more often than a clear “Yes,” I get
a definite “No.” For me, at least for the most part, it seems that God gives me
freedom to act as I will with wide limits and no obvious path.

Frustrating as it seems at first, is that such a bad thing? We all want clarity; we all
want a clear path; we all want answers for what’s next. We want God to tell us
to our face what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and where to do it. We
want it laid out in no uncertain teams what direction to go, what the end is, and
a nice clear set of instructions to get there: a path. It wanders through life,
with a myriad of obstacles on either side: it leads through a forest, or over a
river, through open meadows or under a bridge, past a swamp, or through a city.
But the path is always clear to the follower.

But what if instead of a path, God has given us the forest or the meadows? The
direction and end are the same, but the confines of the path are wrong, a
constraint placed on ourselves. What if the path is a distraction created by
Satan to keep us indecisive and insecure? “Wait for an answer from God,” he
says. “Don’t do anything until you are sure, because you may be wrong,” he
whispers. “You can only go right or left,” a fake choice of limits. Fear,
anxiety, worry, impatience, frustration, and a dozen other emotions consume us
as we try and figure out the answers. “Where are you, God?” we ask. “Why won’t
you answer me?” we beg. And more often than not, stillness follows.

The stillness feels like the absence of God; a purposeful ignoring of my plight and
plea. Doesn’t He care? Won’t he intercede? Can’t he reveal to me what I must
do? Of course, the answer is “yes,” and He often times does any or all of
those. But rarely in a way that we expect, or think we need. More often than
not, we have prepared God’s answer for Him before we even ask for His help.
“Show me Your will, God,” often really means, “I want you to do X, Y, and Z for
me so I can be satisfied/happy/joyful.” We are blinded by our own desires, convince
ourselves of the solution, and in doing so we limit God. As if God needed our
help.

The Heart of the King has helped me understand how flawed my thought process really
is. David is no different than any of us. Throughout the Psalms, David cries
out to God. “Destroy the wicked,” he says, “cast out my enemies,” he pleads, or
“avenge the righteous.” David seems to be constantly asking God for direction,
purpose, and intercession, and God is many times silent. “O my God, I cry by
day, but You do not answer me.” (Ps. 22:2) The man after God’s own heart is
treated with the same stillness we are.

Is the stillness bad? Is the quietness of God’s response to us really abandonment?
If God answered all our questions, gave us every answer, all the time, what
would that look like? I’ll tell you what it would look like: a path. A
step-by-step guide on how to walk, where every step should go, every word to
speak, every thought to think, and ultimately, a life of absolute certainty and
no choice. A constant flow of direction, no stillness.

But it is in that stillness when I most often find peace. This peace usually
presents itself when I am at my most humble, submissive, and trusting of God’s
sovereignty in my life. “Your will be done,” Jesus says before the cross. “When
I am afraid, I put my trust in you,” David submits while running from Saul. It
is the times of our greatest doubt and fear that we most rely on God, and
rightly so. When the answers are all there, it is easy to forget who
orchestrated the events in the first place, and simply enjoy the ease of life. The
stillness reminds us that we need Him, desperately; that He is our God and
King, not google or google maps; that we are His children, who need loving
correction and instruction; that we are His servants, called to obey for the
glory of His name; and that Jesus is the answer.

This is where the true deception falls upon us. Somehow, since the very beginning, a
long line of forgetfulness has brought us to a place where we think the answer is what we
need, a confirmation of some truth or principle. Satan has subtly maneuvered us
to think this way. “Call out to Him, He will answer you.” Of course, God
promises us that He will answer us, so this deception is easy to fall prey to.
But it isn’t about the answers. It is about relying on Him in everything, at
all times, for all things. He is Lord, Savior, Creator; He is Love and Hope; He
is Righteous and Holy, and Just. He is the fuel that our soul needs to thrive;
He is the Grace we need, everyday.

So is it God’s will, or Will? Is it our choice or His? Do we move forward, or wait
for Him to answer? Is life a path to follow, or is that a constraint we have
invented? All are great questions and this post does little to answer any of
them in any depth. What I do argue, is that we spend so much time waiting for
answers, clarity, or direction, while begging God for help and purpose. In and
of themselves, these are not bad things. It is when we place these things above
our desire for God Himself, or treat God as if he is required to fulfill our
wishes, that we err.

Life is going to happen, whether we wait on it or not. Whether we make choices, or
pause until something happens to force our choices, time goes on. In the end,
God’s Will be done. We don’t need His answers, or His purpose for our lives. We
just need Him. The rest will come with Him.

2Peter 3:9